Wednesday, April 29, 2020

AP Lesson 26: Student Samples of Effective Writing

Hello four of you:

Here is today's lesson.  I will watch and give you an assignment.

OK this lesson was about something that I really don't care about.  It is about how to get that last point for sophisticated writing.  This will happen if you are just a natural beautiful writer.  Most of us aren't so I am not concerned.

So for you to do for 50 points:

Reread yesterday's prompt:

Then, look at the four students who completed yesterday's assignment.

Then leave comments for each one that helps them improve or praises what they did well.  Comment right on the document and write your name.

The highlights represent:  Topic sentence, Evidence, and Commentary.


Briana Marquez said...

Sample one had a good claim, could make a good paragraph from it but the evidence and commentary were too try hardy. Mentioned personification and allegory and seemed not to understand what either really means. Try to replace throwing out fancy words with analysis, seemed like it was heading in the right direction but wavered in trying to use lit terms too much.

sample two flowed well and had clear strong analysis, very proud of this work LOL. Last two sentences may use less fluff.

Sample three was very clear for the first four sentences, wasn't the strongest but the commentary, claims, and evidence was clear in the first four sentences. The rest of the paragraph was a bit confusing it what it was trying to stay, try to always tie back your evidence and commentary to the main claim.

Sample four had a weak main claim but commentary was very good. It could've been improved by establishing a clear central claim and expanding on more evidence. Commentary was clear and straight to the point.

Briana Marquez said...

The second Sample should have tied the main claim of POV back to the evidence throughout the paragraph.

Juan said...

Sample 1:
- For the claim, I would replace "allegorical" with "symbolic." Talking about allegories is more used for when the author is commenting on moral or political views, so saying it's a symbol would be more accurate and precise.
- The paragraph shifted into originally talking about figurative and "allegorical"/symbolic language and how its used to symbolize virtue and goodness to talking about the personification of the character, which are two different things.
- The use of evidence could be stronger
- The language used kind of distracted from your original claim; just keep it straightforward. and to the point

Sample 2:
- The essay dives a little too much into the summary of the piece; it shows that Mr. Allworthy is a good person but it wasn't tied back into how a third-person omniscient point of view was used to portray it.

Sample 3:
- The beginning of the essay was clear but could definitely use a little more depth
- However, the second half of the essay lacked relevant commentary; it was more summary or was unnecessary altogether.

Osvaldo Saucedo said...

Osvaldo Saucedo

Sample 1, I thought it was all in all very neat and to the point. Simple for me to understand, but I feel it lacks closure. You bring up points that need to be tied in together in the end so that the reader can understand all those points in the end.

Sample 2, I felt as if it was more summarization than analyzation but I thought it was good and simple.

Sample 3, Great execution of analyzing, it was super clear how the author characterized Mr. Allworthy and it actually helped me see something I did not see before. Your final sentence did throw me off in which I feel there should have been a closing sentence or transition to the next paragraph.

Sample 4, At first, I felt as if you kind of got sidetracked and not really explained how the author characterizes them in a simple way, but after rereading it you showed how the author creating the central conflict helped characterized Mr. Allworthy which I thought was a different approach but successful and good.